Seifer and the Pussycats
by Drays Shorty
Summary: Sequel to Don't do Drugs. A really weird story about Selphie, blackmail, and two of the hottest bishies gettin together at Garden. SxS warning!!! WiP
1. Blackmail

Title: Seifer and the pussycats  
  
Author: C_F, RageFire, and Nova  
  
Pairings: SeiferxSquall  
  
Disclaimers: DO NOT OWN THESE PEEPS...don't sue me... (  
  
Warning: LOTSA WEIRDINESS!!!! evil grin  
  
Rating: R  
  
Feedback: Uh-huh, mos def, absitively posolutely YES!  
  
*Thoughts*  
  
Lyrics  
  
Seifer and the Pussycats  
  
"Life sucks." I sighed as I put on my loudest music and flopped back on my bed and listened to the comforting tunes of Marilyn Manson. The music was soothing as I blatantly ignored my neighbors'' requests to kindly 'shut off that god-awful noise'.  
  
It had almost lulled me to sleep when, suddenly, a noise to rival Rob Zombie started wailing across the hall.  
  
Goodbye Eearrrrrrrrrrrrl!!!  
  
"Selphie! Turn that shit OFF!!!!!" I managed to yell over all the music. Of all the people to room across the hall from me....it had to be Selphie. "Squall....you SUCK!!!!", I said to myself.  
  
Squall 'Mr. Ice-man' Leonhart was still the ~commander~ of Balamb Garden and his word was basically the LAW. And he had come with the room assignments....it was bad enough to have that Chicken-wuss Zell as a neighbor....but SELPHIE?!?!? Then again, I'm glad I don't have Irvine rooming near me, ugh.  
  
I stomped across the hall and busted down her door. "If you don't turn that crap off right now....I'll beat you so hard, you'll still be seeing yesterday tomorrow."  
  
"....." for the first time in her life Selphie was speechless. She stared at me like I was possessed by the Devil. She left the stereo on.  
  
"AAAAARRRGHHHH!!!!!!!! I thought I told you to TURN IT OFF!!!!!!!" In a random fit of rage, I walked to her expensive stereo and proceeded to thoroughly trash it. After I was done trashing the stereo, I let out a content sigh.  
  
No more evil Dixie Chicks to haunt me any more. Back to my bliss under Marilyn Manson.  
  
I turned to leave and was at the door, when Selphie's bubbly cheerleader voice invaded my brain cavity. "Don't move."  
  
"......Whatever.", I said imitating the Ice-man. I almost got one foot through the door when Selphie said:  
  
"What would you do if I told Squall what happened to my stereo.....hmmm?"  
  
"Duh I would whimper like a baby and do anything for you......PLEEEEEEEASE DON'T TELL SQUALL!!!!!!! I'll do ANYTHING!!!!!" I looked up at her to see if my begging was having any effect. It wasn't.  
  
"Anything huh?......Well, okay, I got three things for you to do....I'll tell you what they are later. And by the way I won't tell Squall."  
  
I gawked at her. "thankyouthankyouthankyou!" Then I set off to Balamb. " I looked back at Selphie and said, " I'll be back at about 3:30. Ciao!"  
  
Man when I got to that new shop in Balamb, The dude there gave me so much hassle I thought I would have to hurt the man.  
  
I walked the road from Balamb with my package, ignoring the angry glares and astonished whispers. I had grown accustomed to them, me being the ex sorceress'-knight and all. The people wouldn't seem to believe that I had been brainwashed by Ultimecia. But they would immediately forgive Edea. Right. Society's a bitch, I know.  
  
The way I looked did nothing to stop their stares either. I had just gotten a new addition to my many piercings the previous week. So far I had ten: A hoop in each eyebrow, a stud in my tongue, three earrings in each ear, and a round ball below my bottom lip. And the package in my arms was a brand new black trench coat with blood-red dripping Fire Crosses. I also spiked up my golden hair. Oh yea, I was one cooooool dude. Naw, I wasn't just cooooool, I was cold, no, I was Icy. Yep that's me, Seifer Almasy.  
  
I finally got back to Garden at about 4:00. And who would be at the gate but Squall Leonhart, the one person I reeeeeeeeally did not need to see. *I might turn to mush*. My life is EVIL!!!  
  
"Is it just me or did the world Freeze over while I was gone?" I said innocently as I walked by. Hoping Selphie had kept her promise. 


	2. Boy Bands

Title: Seifer and the Pussycats  
  
Authors: C_F, RageFire, and Nova  
  
warnings: same  
  
Disclaimer: same  
  
pairings: SxS  
  
Feedback: of COURSE!!!!  
  
*thoughts*  
  
~emphasis~  
  
Part 2, Boy Bands  
  
I walked around that stupid circle in the Garden's main floor and  
  
walked to the dorms. I knocked on Selphie's door grinning from ear to ear. Quistis looked at me funny as she passed by.  
  
"Okay?..." I heard her mutter as she was walking away.  
  
I groaned to myself cursing my happiness. Now Quistis was gonna go  
  
around spreading stupid rumors about me. Dammit.  
  
I knocked on Selphie's door. It opened mysteriously by itself. I  
  
ran back to my room in fear of the Selphinator.  
  
I know it sounds stupid, but have you SEEN her when she's ~REALLY~ happy? Didn't think so.  
  
Right before I slammed the door in his face, Zell looked at me funny. I didn't care (that much), let HIM mess with Selphie.  
  
After about five minutes I regained my composure and walked across the hall back to Selphie's room.  
  
When I walked in Selphie's room, Zell & Irvine were lounging around the coffee table and pillow that served as the living room. Selphie was pacing back and forth across the 'living room'.  
  
That annoying drum music that comes on when you have a mission  
  
started playing from some unknown source. It irritated the crap outta me.  
  
"Listen up! You are all here under various reasons of blackmail."  
  
Selphie started.  
  
*Good God! Selphie isn't as dumb as we thought!* I thought.  
  
"Your mission, and you'd better accept it, is to be in my Garden  
  
Festival Committee's annual Extravaganza!!! You will performing li-"  
  
"Waitaminit! Perform what for who? Why?!" Zell exclaimed hyperly.  
  
"~AS~ I was saying," Selphie said icily. "You will performing ~live~  
  
as the newest boy band in Balamb...The Pussycats!" She looked around triumphantly.  
  
"What the ~FUCK~?!!!!!" I roared, outraged. "I ~refuse~ to  
  
classified as a pussy you ~FREAK~! You will call the band '~SEIFER~ and the pussies' if you must, but I will NEVER be classified as a 'pussy'!!!"  
  
Irvine and Zell at Seifer and hmphed indignantly.  
  
"You dumbass! The band isn't 'The Pussies', it's 'The Pussycats'."  
  
Selphie cried.  
  
I looked at her, stunned she had actually called ~me~ a dumbass.  
  
"But I like your idea though, 'Seifer and the Pussycats' ~does have a nice ring to it...hm...Yea I like that! Seifer and the Pussycats it  
  
is then!!!"  
  
Zell and Irvine hmphed some more & glared daggers at me. I grinned smugly and them. Zell blew a raspberry at me. I flipped him off, feeling immensely better about myself.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
"Soooo...Seifer and the Pussycats, huh?..."  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
Selphie, Irvine, Zell and I made our way to the quad, where the  
  
Festival Committee was setting up a festive-looking stage for the  
  
Extravaganza!.  
  
Squall was sitting in the corner wondering why the hell he had said  
  
yes to Selphie a year ago. Even his being the commander had not been  
  
able to deter the hyper teenager.  
  
"Okay! You all have exactly, let's see...53 hours, 17 minutes and 23  
  
seconds to rehearse for the show. Instruments are over there in the  
  
corner. Have a nice day :)!"  
  
"..." Zell just looked at her. Hyperly of course.  
  
":(" was the response from Irvine.  
  
I felt I had to break the silence. "...Fool!"  
  
"...?"  
  
"Booyaka!"  
  
We all turned and stared. It was the ice-man himself.  
  
"...Squall?" Zell began, then ended, all of this ~still~ hyperly.  
  
"...Whatever." He was going back to normal. I exhaled. Squall  
  
stalked off.  
  
I went over to the corner and grabbed the shiny black and silver  
  
electric guitar and ripped a few chords. I hummed 'Living Dead Girl'  
  
by Rob Zombie, smiling to myself. When I was done, Zell, Irvine and  
  
Selphie were staring at me.  
  
"What?" I said, bothered with all the attention.  
  
"...!" Irvine not really said, but communicated in some way.  
  
"...Whatever." I said and I left too.  
  
To Be Continued... 


	3. Odd Conversations

Title: Seifer and the Pussycats  
  
Authors: C_F, Ragefire, and Nova  
  
warnings: same  
  
Disclaimer: same  
  
pairings: SxS  
  
Feedback: of COURSE!!!!  
  
*Thoughts*  
  
~Emphasis~  
  
--Ultimecia--  
  
'the little voice in Seifer's head'  
  
Part 3, Odd Conversations  
  
["...!" Irvine not really said, but communicated in some way.]  
  
"...Whatever." I said. I left too, heading back to my room with the guitar.  
  
I fell into my room and set the guitar in the corner, then flopped on my bed. I thought I deserved some shut-eye after all the shit that had happened today. My eyes closed and I sank into the soft pillows.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
The eyes were everywhere. Brilliant gold. Storm gray. Everywhere. I felt the familiar tinglings start to buzz in the back of my head and my heart sank. I sighed in defeat when I heard ~her~ voice.  
  
--Greetings my knight. I have kome for you again.--  
  
"No...don't do this to me again. Don't make me hurt Squall again..."  
  
--Why not? You were ~ever~ so eager to best him before. What has changed?- -  
  
"I ~don't~ want to hurt him. Them."  
  
--You ~must~ have a reason. I think you have ~feelings~ for this 'Skwall'.- -  
  
"You're wrong!" I tried to block Ultimecia from my mind. Clutching at my head, I didn't sense her knocking me unconcious until it was too late. Black consumed me.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I slowly came to with a throbbing ache in my temples. A faint voice was piercing my head.  
  
--Blood...--  
  
The voice was no longer gentle and soothing.  
  
--Pain...--  
  
It was harsh and sharp.  
  
--Suffer...--  
  
Gray eyes filled my head and my blood ran cold...  
  
--Death...--  
  
"NO!"  
  
--You will bleed at my hands...--  
  
I whimpered a little, the eyes returned. A porcelain face with messy chocolate hair and a scowl joined them, completing the picture.  
  
--I will pain you...--  
  
"...Squall?"  
  
--You will suffer at my touch...--  
  
Squall's face began to crack, like glass.  
  
--I will bring your DEATH...--  
  
"Squall?!"  
  
--You will die...--  
  
The face broke apart.  
  
--And I will kill you.--  
  
"SQUALL!" My scar started throbbing.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
I was jolted awake by the pain. *What the hell was that about? Why am I dreaming of Squall...I don't still care for him...do I?* I shook my head. *Of course I don't...*  
  
'Who're you tryin' to convince...me or you?' A contrary voice in the southwest part of my brain said snidely.  
  
*Shut up! I ~know~ I don't still like puberty-boy!.*  
  
'Suuuuuure...Keep tellin' yerself that...'  
  
*Fuck you.*  
  
'Bet you'd like ~Squall~ to, huh?'  
  
*I can't believe this. I'm having a conversation with a voice in my head.*  
  
'Why? You created me, now ya don't wanna talk to me? I'm hurt.'  
  
*Sure...Whatever.*  
  
'Ooooooo...Now yer quotin him. You know what they say, "imitation is the highest form of flattery"...catch my drift?'  
  
*Why did I have to create a ~Stupid~ voice? Geez...*  
  
'Why are you asking ~me~? The question you ~should~ be asking is, what're you gonna do about Squall?'  
  
*Aargh! I thought I ~told~ you...um...what did I tell you again?*  
  
'~See~?'  
  
*Aw fuck off. So I like puberty-boy. Big deal...It ain't as if ~you~ don't like him too. You ~are~ a part of me...*  
  
'...'  
  
'O_O'  
  
'OMG!!! I didn't think of it ~that~ way! C'mon we're gonna GET THAT SQUALL!!!'  
  
*Riiiiiiiight...But the feelings aren't returned, so what's the point?*  
  
'Duh...He dumped Rinoa...have you asked why?'  
  
*Now look what you've done, you've made me feel ~stoopid~.*  
  
'Well, it's certainly an improvement.'  
  
*O_o*  
  
*Yer startin' to sound like Quistis...*  
  
'And that's a ~bad~ thing?'  
  
*Okay you're scarin' me...*  
  
'~Anyway~, back to Squall. ASK HIM! If you don't, I will personally kick you in the balls...'  
  
*WTF??? How?!?!*  
  
My hand suddenly took control of itself and poked he in the eye.  
  
*ALRIGHT! Alright....Sheesh I'll do it...*  
  
TBC!!!! 


	4. Dangerous Questions

Title: Seifer and the Pussycats  
  
Authors: C_F, Ragefire, and Nova  
  
warnings: same  
  
Disclaimer: same  
  
pairings: SxS  
  
Feedback: of COURSE!!!!  
  
*Thoughts*  
  
~Emphasis~  
  
--Ultimecia--  
  
`the little voice in Seifer's head'  
  
Part 3, Dangerous Questions  
  
[*ALRIGHT! Alright....Sheesh I'll do it...*]  
  
I headed to the corner and picked my brand new coat and walked out  
  
the door.  
  
*Back to that stupid circle...*  
  
`Yep!'  
  
*Y`know, when I think, I`d like a little privacy.*  
  
`...'  
  
`o_o'  
  
`.....You ~do~ know that I'm ~in~ your head, don't you?'  
  
*.......Don't remind me...Just shut up until I tell you to talk  
  
okay?*  
  
`...'  
  
`.....'  
  
`......fine.'  
  
So, anyways, I was walking around that damn circle again, when I  
  
heard a positively ~glass-shattering~ shriek.  
  
*...riiight..*  
  
`Can I talk now?'  
  
*Oh my god....What part of "NO" don't you understand?*  
  
`Aw fuck you'  
  
*...*  
  
*evil grin I'm saving ~that~ for Squall, thank you...Now leave me  
  
the hell alone!!!*  
  
`Geez...'  
  
So I looked up to see Rinoa on the warpath.  
  
"SQUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLL!!!" She grabbed onto his ankles and held on  
  
for dear life.  
  
`Riiight...I wonder what that's about.'  
  
*Shut up! Geez d'ya know how ~weird~ this is?*  
  
`...'  
  
Right. So now I couldn't ask Squall. Why does fate hate me? Oh  
  
well.  
  
*I guess I should help...*  
  
`Damn Skippy!'  
  
*GodDAMMIT! How many times do I have to tell you? SHUT the FUCK  
  
up!!!*  
  
`That hurts me right here. Really it does.'  
  
My hand poked my heart.  
  
`:D'  
  
*:(*  
  
`:p'  
  
*:l*  
  
`Go help Squall stoopid-ass...'  
  
*Oh...right...*  
  
I looked up ~again~ and saw my soon-to-be koibito trying feebly to  
  
beat Rinoa off of him.  
  
"Help me!" Squall yelled to anyone that happened to be there.  
  
*That's my cue!*  
  
`...'  
  
I went over there and sort of swatted at Rinoa's legs. This made her  
  
squush up in a ball, kinda like a hedgehog.  
  
"Seifer?!" Squall looked at me sorta strangely then stared at Rinoa  
  
pointedly.  
  
"Oh...right..." I grabbed the pressure point on her neck and she  
  
fell limp on the floor. I extended my hand to help Squall up.  
  
"...Thanks." he said as he took my hand. I gasped as a sort of  
  
shock went through my skin at Squall's touch. The shock made me  
  
giddy, euphoric even.  
  
`If you feel this good by just touching his hand, just think of the  
  
sex!'  
  
I tried not to get an erection at that comment from my inner demon.  
  
I realized I was still holding Squall's hand. I let it go and looked  
  
away feeling the color rise to my cheeks.  
  
"Um..." I said trying to cover up my embarrassment.  
  
`Reeeeeal smooth...'  
  
*Oh shaddup.*  
  
Squall looked at me with a hint of longing in his eyes, or maybe I  
  
just imagined it. I almost melted right there.  
  
"Seifer..." The way he said my name was hypnotic. He reached up and  
  
brushed his fingers across my cheek and walked away, leaving me  
  
~extremely~ confused.  
  
`That was interesting...'  
  
I didn't even have the energy to tell my I.D. to shut up, that's how  
  
stupefied I was.  
  
I was still standing there when Selphie came and tapped me on the  
  
shoulder.  
  
"Hey! I got somethin' for you to do!"  
  
I looked at her dazedly. "Oh....uh yea, what?"  
  
She looked at me appraisingly and raised an eyebrow. "...Who is it?"  
  
"What're you talking about?"  
  
"You've got that dreamy, `I'm so in love' look goin' on."  
  
"You're crazy...I don't love him..." I clapped my hand to my mouth,  
  
realizing what I just said.  
  
"Ah-hah! So it's a him! Lessee, who could it be....hmmm...Nida?  
  
Nah, I can't see that happening..."  
  
I just stared at her not bothering to voice the thoughts in my head,  
  
rather, to convey them in a look of deep disgust.  
  
"Ewwww..." I said.  
  
TBC 


	5. Big Decisions

Title: Seifer and the Pussycats  
  
Authors: C_F, Ragefire, and Nova  
  
warnings: same  
  
Disclaimer: same  
  
pairings: SxS  
  
Feedback: of COURSE!!!!  
  
*Thoughts*  
  
~Emphasis~  
  
--Ultimecia--  
  
`the little voice in Seifer's head'  
  
Part 5 Big Decisions  
  
["Ewwww..." I said.]  
  
"Well, if it's not Nida,...could it be...Zell? Hmm...Zell's cute, in  
  
a weird..."  
  
"The chicken-wuss?!?! Nasty!"  
  
"Well, not Zell, not Nida, hm...Irvine? He ~is~ bi...he told me whwn  
  
we were goin' out...But Irvine?"  
  
"Look. I'm ~not gonna tell you, so get off my back about it ok?  
  
Geez, what did you need me for anyway?"  
  
"Well, I need you to help me with the song list...C'mon..."  
  
Selphie led me back to her room. Again, Irvine and Zell were  
  
sprawled on the floor.  
  
*Why are they always here?*  
  
`They have no life, you know that...'  
  
"Sooo...I need ya ta help me out again boys!"  
  
Zell rolled his eyes at Selphie and sort of flopped around on the  
  
floor like a fish out of water.  
  
A snort came from Irvine's general direction.  
  
"You ~will~ help, right? I mean, it ~is~ the song list of which  
  
~you~ will be performing..." Selphie trailed off and smiled  
  
innocently. "Seifer has generously supplied his help, already. He  
  
shouldn't have to do this ~alone~."  
  
`Good one Slick'  
  
*...Shut up.*  
  
Zell glared at me. "Nice goin' Seifer..."  
  
Irvine just harumphed lazily.  
  
I looked at them both disgustedly.  
  
"I'll um...be right back, yea..." I said escaping and heading to my  
  
room. I grabbed my guitar, and a warm fuzzy feeling spread through  
  
me. I slowly made my way back to Selphie's room.  
  
When I walked in, Irvine had obviously fallen asleep. Zell somehow  
  
managed to look hyper while being still, he's weird like that.  
  
Selphie pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket and handed it to  
  
me. I stared at it.  
  
"WANNA-BE by the SPICE GIRLS?! You're CRAZY!" I took a pen from my  
  
pocket, don't ask why I had one, I don't know. I began to read the  
  
list she wanted us to choose. "Oh my GOD woman...Boys, by Britney  
  
Spears? You really ~are~ crazy..." I crossed out all of the songs  
  
she wanted us to sing. I turned the paper and wrote my own list of  
  
songs.  
  
*Hmmm...*  
  
1. Seifer and The Pussycats  
  
2. What's your Fantasy  
  
3. I'm too Sexy  
  
4. My Way  
  
5. In the End  
  
6. Break Stuff  
  
7. Closer  
  
8. Got the Life  
  
9. You Don't See Me  
  
*Perfect...* I looked at the last song and smiled to myself.  
  
*Squall couldn't ~possibly~ not get it this time...*  
  
`I'm surprised you thought that up by yourself.'  
  
*...*  
  
I handed the list back to Selphie and waited for her approval. It  
  
didn't come.  
  
"...What the heck is this Seifer? I never heard of these songs  
  
before..." She told me.  
  
"So?"  
  
"...Fine...But no more changes...go practice."  
  
"Otay! Come on freaks..." I said to Zell and Irvine. Irvine was  
  
still sleeping. I walked over and kicked him. Hard.  
  
I laughed as he shot up stringing ~way~ too many four-letter words to  
  
be deemed reasonable.  
  
Grumbling, they both followed me back to the quad. We received some  
  
pretty weird stares because Irvine was still spouting a steady stream  
  
of curses.  
  
"Dude, could you tone it down a bit? You're scaring people..." Zell  
  
asked the cowboy.  
  
We came to the quad and suddenly...  
  
TBC 


End file.
